When "help" doesn't help

There are times, like the first time I spoke to my pastor and realized that what he was saying might not work, that you need to think about leaving.
It was shortly after my meeting at the church that I was physically abused again. This time my husband wouldn't let me leave the house or our bed. He threw me on it, and then he wrapped his arm around me when I tried to get up. He told me, in no uncertain terms, that he was not letting me leave the apartment. At a time like that, the best advice I can give is what I did. Stay still, try to pray, meditate, or breathe slowly; whatever it takes to try to calm down. I prayed and planned what I was going to do next.
After work the next day, I got home before he did, grabbed a few belongings and went to my parent's house where I spent the next few days.
The problem was that my father didn't quite "get it," if you know what I mean. My mother, God rest her soul, said that I shouldn't have to live like that. But neither one of them offered me to stay in their home until I could figure out what to do next! I felt like I had no choice but to return to my husband, and that's what I did.

The first blog; how it started

It was 1981, and I was 23 years old when I got married. My husband was very controlling from the beginning, but I didn't define it that way.  I just thought he was being kind and taking care of me (before we married, that is). He would plan all of our dates, and he would generally have a "take charge" attitude. I'll get back to our history and instances of abuse pre-marriage in another blog. For now, let's just say that when I would try to take a stand, it was met with indignation. He would get angry and try to push his viewpoint and subsequent decision on whatever matter we were discussing, whether it was what type of car to buy or even where we would eat dinner. Within a few months of tieing the knot, he was slapping me, putting a pillow over my mouth, and restraining me. More on that later.
The first coping mechanism I used was aquiescence--bending to his demands when I found fighting back did NOT work. I found our pastor to be "helpful" and yet not helpful at the time because he indicated that perhaps I was doing something wrong, and that I should try to avoid arguments and be a better wife! As a new Christian, I wanted to please God, and I thought I should try his suggestions. Also, he told me that I couldn't get a divorce for any reason other than adultery, so out of fear of going to hell, I stayed in the marriage.