It was 1981, and I was 23 years old when I got married. My husband was very controlling from the beginning, but I didn't define it that way. I just thought he was being kind and taking care of me (before we married, that is). He would plan all of our dates, and he would generally have a "take charge" attitude. I'll get back to our history and instances of abuse pre-marriage in another blog. For now, let's just say that when I would try to take a stand, it was met with indignation. He would get angry and try to push his viewpoint and subsequent decision on whatever matter we were discussing, whether it was what type of car to buy or even where we would eat dinner. Within a few months of tieing the knot, he was slapping me, putting a pillow over my mouth, and restraining me. More on that later.
The first coping mechanism I used was aquiescence--bending to his demands when I found fighting back did NOT work. I found our pastor to be "helpful" and yet not helpful at the time because he indicated that perhaps I was doing something wrong, and that I should try to avoid arguments and be a better wife! As a new Christian, I wanted to please God, and I thought I should try his suggestions. Also, he told me that I couldn't get a divorce for any reason other than adultery, so out of fear of going to hell, I stayed in the marriage.
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